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The minute I walked in the joint I could see there was
something up. And the charming GentleButch big-spender
whose arm I was on wasn’t too happy either. The club
was practically empty and the few trannies floating
around it didn’t look much like Drag Queens to me. I
went looking for the proprietress to find out about
dressing rooms and running orders and so forth. She
was nowhere to be found so we sat down for a drink
only to be told by a trannie at the next table wearing
red lace lingerie and nothing else that we looked like
we were in the wrong place! I wasted five minutes
explaining about being a drag diva and how my
“boyfriend” was actually a girl.
I eventually located the proprietress who proceeded to
inform me that there was NO STAGE and the show would
be performed on the dance floor. She then mentioned
that the show was kinda full and would I mind doing
only one number! Getting more and more fed up by the
minute I minced off to get dressed and made-up.
When I came back out of the dressing room the club was
thronged with transvestites and men. I’d almost swear
blind that myself, my butch and our two friends were
the only bio-women in the place.
I then found out that the show was actually a sort of
talent contest for amateur acts, and things really
went from bad to worse when the “professional” hostess
began the show with a dreadful live version of
“Un-break My Heart”, by Toni Braxton.
Suffice to say that this set the tone for the rest of
the evening.
The one who did Britney Spears’ “Crazy” wearing a
school uniform ensemble left over from her “Hit Me
Baby, One More Time” era was probably the scariest. I
think it might have been the hairy belly that did it….
The tranny who won did a balancing act with a glass
ball set to some dance track I’d never heard that was
vaguely fascinating for 30 seconds and intensely
boring by the end of the other four and a half
minutes.
No less than two of them did “Viva La Diva”, both were
dreadful although one had a fab feathered costume.
It’s just a shame she was so thin she could barely
stand up.
And then we had a live acapella rendition of “Feeling
Good” - I doubt I’ll ever be able to perform
that(insert italics please Vin!) with a straight face
again.
DialEmma didn’t win a thing, not that she was
surprised! She tried her most commercial number, Bad
Girl, and it bombed…I think the crowd were totally
confused by the genderphuck and totally put off by the
three dykes in the corner cheering me on. So much for
London!
Note: To all budding Queens, the inherent difference
between Gay male Drag Queens and (ostensibly) str8
Transvestites was spelled out in big neon capital
letters for me that night! Always thoroughly check out
the venue where you’re performing before you do it.
Otherwise you can end up invading inappropriate space.
Or being upset and insulted yourself.
Anyhoo! Back home progress is being made on the
preparations for Miss Alternative, new hair has been
selected and the search for the perfect make-up artist
has begun.
I’m not going to tell yis all too much but I have
finally found the perfect set of matching songs to
perform. They are by a relatively unknown German
singer but they have that show-tune quality that
DialEmma just loves! I might be nice and drop a hint
or two as time goes on but some Big Sister might be
watching and I want to keep as much of the final act
secret as possible. That way this bioFeMMe Drag Hag
might actually get somewhere!
Kisses sweeties, ‘til next month.
The Lady DialEmma.
xxx
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