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During
the week, a gang of us made our way toward the quays for a
Hallowe’en fancy dress party. At least that was what I had been
told I was going to.
The
evening had started out at Jimi and Robert’s apartment where four
of us got ready. Robert’s friend Pepe (he was Elizabeth Taylor
Trash in 2000’s Alternative Miss Ireland) was kind enough to
come and put on our make-up even though he wasn’t feeling the
best.
Jimi
was a swan and Robert was ‘Champagne Reynolds’ — an IT girl
with a twist. Robert’s Australian cousin Lee was Genie With A
Bottle, the gimmick being she carried around a bottle of Boru with
her all night (lucky thing!). I managed to be transformed into the
ugliest, most wretched prostitute you can imagine — and I
believe I pulled the look off pretty damn nicely thank you very
much. With my bruised eye, blackened tooth and orange eyeliner, I
quickly got used to being known as Slutty Go-Backwards (Slutty’s
catchphrase for the night: show me the cash and you can lick my
gash!).
****
Once
in the taxi (a friend of mine is a taxi driver so we booked him
– couldn’t face the thought of getting into a car with a
stranger at the wheel), I whipped out the ViewCam and began
recording for the night. And what a night…
When
we arrived at the ‘party’, I immediately realised I had been
duped. There were only six people at the house (including Chris
AKA Valerie London ‘fly me’ and Phil who was dressed as
Elizabeth Taylor, I think) and five of those people were
mentioning the words ‘pub’ and ‘crawl’. Now, if you know
me as well as these people do, you would know that if you wanted
me in full drag in the centre of Dublin you would have to tell me
I was going to a party. A nice house party where I would be able
to let my hair down (quite literally in this case) and feel safe
and sound. Not a pub crawl.
However,
after a copious amount of alcohol I was ready for the challenge.
****
Once
on the street, I felt fine. Walking along the quays, I felt part
of a  crowd.
And since my friends were all dressed up, I didn’t feel too
nervous and actually began enjoying myself. Approaching Out On The
Liffey, we began to get the jitters. What if they didn’t let us
in? No problems though and we were soon up on the dancefloor
shaking our booties with the best of them. I don’t think I’ve
enjoyed myself in OOTL more than the hour we spent there. When
OOTL first opened, it was great. We would all pack in there before
heading over to The Gee. Nowadays, the thought of going into OOTL
for a drink wouldn’t enter my head — but after all the fun we
had on Saturday I will definitely be back.
The
five of us met up with Lee the Genie outside the Front Lounge — she
wasn’t able to go into OOTL cos of their men-only policy on a
Saturday night. The Front Lounge weren’t letting anyone in because
it had gone past half 12 so we decided on The Gee. On the way there,
Phil’s wig was grabbed by one of the homeless people sitting beside
the ATM on Dame Street. Our friend Fintan, who’d joined us in the
meantime, ran after the wee hallion with a couple of others and
eventually recovered the massive, black wig.
While
waiting on Fintan and the others to return, we bumped into Shirley
Temple-Bar, Vada Bon Reve and Miss Panti’s alter egos Declan, Enda
and Rory. Once we’d explained why we were standing around on Dame
Street waiting for our friends to return, they rounded on us saying we
should all have ran after the little thief. I suppose they had a
point, but if they thought we were running in the shoes we had on,
well…
I
won’t even begin to recount the verbal fistfighting that took
place with  The
George’s bouncers once we realised we weren’t getting in. The
night was sliding toward disaster and I really didn’t want to be
in a dress at one in the morning in the middle of Dublin.
Somehow
we got into Isolde’s Tower (it seems they’ll let anyone in!
— there were even a couple of Z-list TV3 celebs there) and the
night lingered on for another hour or two.
Back
at the house, the party (this time a real party) started up. As a
result of my mad, bad night, I got Strep throat. And as a result of my
having Strep throat, I was unable to review Candy for my doting
readers. But you need not worry, I’ll be licking the Candy sometime
soon and I’ll tell you all about it then.
PS:
I can officially and unequivocally state that Slutty Go-Backwards has
retired. I’d also like to thank Out On The Liffey for making
Saturday night one of the best nights I’ve had out in a long time.
I’d also like to thank The George for making Saturday night one of
the worst nights I’ve had out in a long time.
More
next week…
Tim -
November 2001
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