Hello darlings! I’m afraid to say I’ve been having a ‘non-scene’ time of late. But don’t you go worrying your little cute behinds, your sister has some juicy goss all the same.

At this early point in the diary, I think I should tell you that I haven’t had a personality makeover; it’s just that some guy sent an email to the site saying that Tim’s Dublin Diary was too camp — so I thought I’d prove him right!
This actually reminds me of something Miss Panti said at Gristle a while back. She had something to get off her chest – and what a chest – about gay men calling themselves ‘straight-acting’ in magazine adverts. Her point being that gay men putting into print that they are straight acting is all rather silly. The very words ‘straight’ and ‘acting’ imply that there is something wrong with being gay, which, of course, there isn’t.
So, my little sweetened muff-balls, I am left wondering if I am meant to be offended when someone calls the diary ‘camp’. You see, to me it is a supreme compliment. Nuff said.

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First up in my delicious gossip-laden feast, there’s some news from Planet GI. The PR people behind the great gay glossy have been beavering away for new ideas to keep the mag in the nation’s collective thoughts.
Keep your keen peepers trained on the many billboards from here to Ballygobackwards – it’ll soon be time for GI’s next advertising campaign! I have it on excellent authority that the stars of the new advertisement will be those wicked women of drag – Miss Panti and Vada Bon Reve. (Reports that the advert was to feature the Irish Soccer Squad, a greased cucumber and Annie Balls are entirely unfounded.)

Next up is news (again GI news – people will think I am in the pocket of John Ryan [if only]) that one of the fashion spreads in the January issue of the mag features a brief appearance of someone dear to our hearts – Vincent - the webmaster of gay-ireland.com. You will remember that in the last issue he was to be found gingerly sticking out his tongue to anyone who happened to look his way. Well, dear readers, I can exclusively reveal that Vince reveals a bit more tongue in the fashion spread. In fact, he is licking custard from someone’s chest. (When I say someone, I don’t actually know who it was. In fact, if you asked Vincent I’m sure he couldn’t tell you either. Those crazy fashionistas!)
On a rather selfish note, *yours truly was invited to partake in the mad, bad and dangerous to know world of fashion shoots. However, due to being booked up with cocktails and the like, I was unable to attend. (*Parts of this are true, but which parts I ain’t saying.)

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The following isn’t gossip, but I hope you find it interesting all the same. A while back, I logged on to the website of Shirley Temple Bar. Browsing through the guestbook entries, I came upon the following gem aimed at Shirley (forgive the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors if you can):

“11.11.01: You’re a ‘naff’ ol drag queen, St. Trinians could do better,,,, and the last time you were a teenager must have been at least 30 years ago!…. keep up the bitching!….Signed Ethel”

A virtual bitch fight was unfolding before my very eyes and I was hooked. So many questions whizzed through my fabulous mind: who was Ethel? what was her problem with Shirley, sweetheart to a nation of bingoballers? what, if any, would be the reply?
Sure enough, along came Babyspike on 25.11.01 to take up the challenge.

“Now my dear, 30 years, thats a bit excessive. I know for a fact that its far less … I think that such a ‘crap’ act can keep going from strength to strength for over 4 years now.”

I liked the sound of Babyspike. Anyone camp enough to begin a retort with ‘Now my dear’ is okay in my book. Anyway, I’ve been wondering if Babyspike is Shirley’s pen name – if anyone knows (or indeed cares) send me an email. I can’t tell you how happy I was to realise that Ethel had read Baby’s reply and had one of her own to deliver two days later.

“U only being goin 4 years here, coz they easily pleased. If u were in the UK you would have been a ‘dead duck’ years ago, coz they got real talent over there! And why has no one ever heard of you there?”

At this point, I must break in and interrupt Ethel’s flow. She (along with me) seems to be under the impression that Babyspike is Shirley T-B. And as for ‘they’ being ‘easily pleased’, I must say that I have witnessed drag in the UK and it isn’t as good as you would have imagined. We’re talking 50 year old busty blondes in Union Jack minis, and that’s just the bouncers. 
Back to Ethel:

“Lets face it luv, ur a drag act and a naff one at that! If u got talent and want to make it big u got to get out of Ireland. Try to be more professional, like ur Auntie Lilly Savage.”

Wouldn’t you just love to have been with Shirley when she read that email! What a mad, funny girl Ethel is. And here I get to the point of putting it in the diary. Global readers of the diary, I implore you — let us all freak Ethel (and indeed Babyspike) out by going to the website and leaving message after message after message for Ethel and Babyspike; some positive, many negative. It would be really good if one of you pretend to be Lily Savage (at least I can spell her name!). In fact, maybe Lily’s friend Paul O’Grady (from Lily Live) reads the diary – stranger things have happened…

More Soon…  
Tim - December 2001
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