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Stomp Stomp Stomping over planet pop from the
moment the jungle drum roll of Survivor kick in,
Destiny’s Child are here for their throne and you’d be
barking to stand in their way. To ensure it this 18 track
marathon of fem-pop covers all angles, dissing their
girlfriends, loving their man and hitching their skirts
up, Jesus Christ approved.
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Essentially it’s the operatic Ricki Lake. Nasty
Girl keeps it real informing this “nasty gurl go
put some clothes on, I told ya don’t walk out
your house with no clothes on, these men don’t
want no hot female that’s been around the block
female”. How Christian of them. |
The gurl gets kicked to the kerb for being a
queen bitch in Fancy where Beyonce reliably tells us this
bird’s “always trying to steal my shine”. How rude
of her. Survivor neatly surmises: these ladies aren’t
going to tell you how crap they think you are on the
Internet; heaven forbid. No, they’re going to give you
the two fingers with 9m sales.
Surprisingly, blokes get off lightly:
chatting up scenarios are played out in Apple Pie At La
Mode and Sexy Daddy with no ‘blokes are crap’ rants
just ‘we’re so sexy aren’t you lucky to have us?’
sentiments. Just nod and agree there’s a good boy.
Strangely missing the pop sensibility of earlier
efforts like Bills Bills Bills and Jumpin’ Jumpin',
instead its RnB madness, all stretched and twisted in as
many ways as possible. A specialty is Independent Women
Part 2, same song but delirious circus music clinking
against the bassline. The closest we get to pop by numbers
is Happy Face, brim full of sentiments Marge Simpson would
be proud of.
Tracks
11-18 see the ‘independent women’ dive into sapsville
with lovers’ laments and nonsense about being
“dangerously in love”. It’s that dirty word Ballads
and it’s Beyonce stretching her limbs for the impending
solo career once she tightens her loincloth, gets into bed
with Jesus and ditches those other two losers.
But
for now at a dance floor near you squillons of girlies are
‘throwing their hands up at me’ in the knowledge they
too are independent, survivors, the Perfect Man will come
along and they don’t even need to compromise their
Christianity. Destiny’s Child in collusion with Jesus
Christ. Result? Titans of Pop. Unstoppable.
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